Parenting & Personal Holiness

A few blogs ago I focused upon resolving to do bless the Lord with my soul infront of my family, specially with my children. So, how have I been working this out? Really there is not great answer that has been formulated. I've learned long ago spouting off idealistic dreams from a lack of knowledge and experience makes me the fool years down the road. When I was in my early twenties I spoke of life as I knew what I was speaking, only to learn I had less of an idea about life than I portrayed. Humility is pertinent, understanding who we are and genuinely coming to grips with our knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. 

Parenting is the relational out working of biblical principles as one lives in relationship with God and their family daily. The rubber meeting the road is one of the most important aspects of this resolution. Having theoretical knowledge is good, yet it only extends so far. These abstract ideologies must have concrete outworkings within the context of our familial relationships. We must be about discipleship! The older godly parents teaching the younger how they might raise their children in the Lord. This task is important, yet difficult to carryout as it requires going beyond getting together in a class room setting; relationship are hard to press into the confines of a program. We need to live life with one another learning from those who have gone before us. Not following older people because of age and experience, but those factors coupled with a lifetime of biblical fidelity.  Again, this task is becoming increasingly difficult. The lose of big family untis has in a degree contributed to this as we are cellularised off into our own little domiciles with every excuse in the world not to be incommunity. 

Please don't get me wrong, theory is good as I live in theoretical books most of my days, but we need more of an assimilation of our abstract theologizing into our daily lives. We must learn to take these hard and fast truths, that transcend all cultures and people, implementing them into practice. Regarding parenting as well as other areas of our lives we have all heard someone spout off great ideas only to turn around and operate from a completely different set. This gap or disconnect must be closed in all of our lives. 

As dads (because this is what I am), our families needs our personal holiness. Attitude reflects leadership! As the heads of our households our families need our attitudes and whole lives to be reflexive of Christ. Now all of this is not the the silver bullet! We are still in the flesh dealing with fleshly people, all with a need to depend upon Christ. But if the head is not submitting to our Lord then it becomes increasingly difficult for the rest of the family to follow in a direction they aren't being lead.

Personal Holiness is not about self-righteous piety. Personal holiness is the rubber meeting the road and actually being the man (or woman) of God that the Scripture commands the children of light to be in Christ. It is through His power that we can do such a thing, it is by his power that we must do such things. Practicing what we preach and believe is more than just basic morality. It is mercy not sacrifice, love and truth, forgiving as we have been forgiven, which means forgiving those who don't deserve forgiveness as we don't derserve is. Grace by its very definition is given to those who are in need, those who cannot (which is everyone) do a thing to get the goodness of God poured out upon them.

When parenting, or leading in any capacity, we must be characterized by a God besought life not self-righteous. Our righteousness is in Christ alone, being rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, walking in obedience to the upward call, striving to obtain the unity of faith, and doing so infront of our children. 

When one see's their children act as they do it is scary, because you realize they learn so much more from what you do than what you say. This does not negate saying things or being corective and teaching with your words. What it should do is cause us to go to God confessing our inability imploring our Lord for strength. 

We also must grasp the great weight of our words in connection with our actions. Integrity cannot be underestimated, walk the talk, talk the walk. Limited understanding characterizes a child who only understands about 50% or less of the words that come out of a parent's mouth (an extremely subjective statistic that was made up on the spot like 75% of all statistics ;-). Children understand actions and deeds much sooner than they will our words, children learn by watching us. Parents often have trouble with their kids due to their own lack of personal holiness. Now this is not aleiviating children of personal responsiblity or placing all of the blame squarely upon the parent. In the words of my oldest child, "I'm a black hearted sinner dad," and she is right. How she follows is not really up to me, but how I lead is extremely important. 

Not that these are the answers, and this never thought before, but it is a learning process for me and how I believe God to be leading me in fulfilling my duties as a father, a husband, and a pastor. My relationship with God is key not just in the success of these areas, but for the sake of God's glory. My wife, my children and those I lead in the church can never be lead by me to a place that I have not yet gone. 

Hopefully I have spouted my ideologies with a little more humility and wisdom this time!